storing sunny and cloudy memories

My my myyyyy.. happy fifteenth anniversary to me and my beloved first marriage, my work. Never that I imagined that my marriage with my work will last this long. I had a target of just ten years, or maybe less. I guess time flies when you’re having fun 🙊

 Happy New Year 2022! I'm starting this random thoughts thrashing or more of like mental diarrheas that I have missed since I gave birth.  Supposed to be documenting milestone of Isa but motherhood is harder than I imagine. He's almost 5 now. I have had the time to reflect and document my experience, horror thoughts, nightmare and of course the lovely ones too. Not all is bad 😂  Typically, or shall I say, wishfully we will be spending our New Year somewhere not in Malaysia. Since COVID happened, we have been pretty comfortable just staying home. This is my view for today, appreciating the skyline and obviously the place I work there tinny twinny towers while Isa is swimming. Looks like it's gonna rain soon but then again, it's just water. (My dad used to say that to us if we ran frantically when the rain pours). Let's hope the year 2022 be a prosperous one for all of us. I'm still catching up with last year's resolution so adios to that. 

after 1 week or probably 10 days in-denial coupled with my stubborn attitude that refuses to stop smoking, i  had told my colleague that i felt different and that i might be pregnant. of course, he (my colleague) was jumping joy as if he's the one carrying for the next 9 months was utterly excited. i couldn't be bothered at that time because drowning with work, reports, stress, i was already late for dinner with the 'sex and city girls' (that is another topic, who are the sex and the city girls). so we rushed for dinner and on the way out there was a pharmacy and he told me to quickly grab the pregnancy test and off we go. funny enough, i took the cheapest non-branded test just because after the miscarriage and months trying, i wouldn't want to buy the most expensive test and be disappointed. went for dinner with the girls, and half-way through our dinner i told them that my period is 10 days late and i might be pregnant. sex and the city girls being sex and the cit

Alright, what happened after April 2016? Today as I am writing this entry, it is officially 21st December 2017. I have decided to start again (blogging) not because it is currently a trend for mothers to blog or anything like that. It is purely because I hope or want my son to be able to read when he grows older. Or for me, personally to reminisce about my son when I am older. So, what happened after April 2016? I was announced by my Gynae that I was pregnant, 6 weeks or so. So her medication and what she had asked us to do, worked! We were over the moon excited. Beyond word excited! We didn't tell a lot of people only close family and friends. We had our first check-up and we heard the heart beat. It was loud and it was the first time of me listening to a heart beat of a tiny dot inside my womb. Again, went back home all excited and filled with joy. At about the 2nd check-up, I think week 10 during the ultrasound, there was no heart beat. The doctor scanned everywhere but ju

today was the results appointment and discussion with the doctor. so as usual, we rushed to get the first appointment as the number starts as early as 730am. there i was, 715am aiming for number 0001. and yes! i got it! wooohooo. must be my lucky day. doctor arrived, nurse called us in and the doctor said, everything is perfectly fine with both of you. no blockage within the tube, sperm count is healthy and let's check on eggs. so i went to the ultrasound machine room, she checked the eggs and again it was perfectly fine.  i was puzzled is there is nothing wrong, why am i still not pregnant? kept asking myself. so i guess it must be the retroverted uterus. can't stop myself my blurting it out, i asked the doctor 'so is it because of the retroverted uterus?' and she said, no that happens to most of the patient i see and they can still conceive. again, puzzled! she obviously is able to read my puzzled, whathef*&k face. that's when she said she will give m

a hysterosalpingogram, or better known as HSG is a twisted painful procedure i must say! no matter what others tell you, it was uncomfortable and mostly painful. it was mainly because of the speculum! what actually happens was, the radiologist injected some of kind of a dye inside your vajajay. you will be able to see in the monitor which in this case, was on my left side. you will see the dye flow through your uterus and thereafter your Fallopian tube. this test will indicate if there is a blockage in your tube that leads to difficulties to conceive. once the radiologist injected the dye in your vajajay, another x-ray machine (something similar) will be pressed on top of your tummy. this act as an x-ray film that will able for a photo of your tube to be captured. in my case, the radiologist said it was perfectly fine and track was smooth as the runway. the only thing they found from the test is my uterus is severely retroverted which means its some sort of hidden at the back (

3 years married and we finally decided to have a check on why nothing is baking in this oven if me ;)  i made an appointment with of course the best doctor in Subang, Dr. Siti from SJMC.  she asked us a lot of questions that i don't even know how to answer. weird difficult question, i must say. then she checked me, which is much more weird than i thought. it doesn't hurt as much as i thought it was just uncomfortable.  she decided that i should first check my Fallopian tube, just in case it is blocked. oh, of course sperm test! so we made appointment for a Fallopian tube check which is HSG (i don't remember the full name). so, HSG test coming tomorrow! till then. 

To Myself, Happy 40th Birthday! I wish you nothing but happiness and may Allah SWT bless you with good health, wealth. I hope all you dreams come true. I am sure you are grateful to have become the person you are today. On this day, I hope you have looked back 9 years back and be wondering where you will be or most importantly what you have accomplished reaching the big forty!  Since you were little, probably age 5 or 6, you are a strong believer that dreams do come true if you work hard towards it. So, on this day I hope all your dreams have come true.  I hope that you have attended the most profound business school Harvard, MIT or Insead to name a few. You have studied in the United States just like your parents did before. Not only that, you have also made a mark in one of your classes as one of the best, like you always did in school.  By now at the age of 40, you are probably the business head for the company you are currently working with, in which you finally got your own room w

Just would like to capture my day for my own reference on how my normal day went.. 5:45 a.m. - Alarm went on, snooze button of course! 6:15 a.m. - Woke up panic and dashed to the toilet, brushed my teeth, washed my face and changed. 6:34 a.m. - Start my car engine and head to the gym. 7:31 a.m. - Arrived parking lot and made my way to the gym. 7:45 a.m. - Signed in gym and changed in the changing room. 7:52 a.m. - Signed in sky bar pool and swam 10 laps. 8:15 a.m. - Made my way back to the changing room and shower. 9:05 a.m. - Walked back to the office, bought my low fat flat white and had my morning ciggie while enjoying my coffee. 9:30 a.m. - On laptop and start to check emails and prioritise what to do in the morning, sort out my daily and weekly meeting. 10:00 a.m. - Start working on programme for delegates from Australia. 11:30 a.m. - Meeting on posters and designs for office. 12:20 p.m. - Find out who's available for lunch. 1:10 p.m. - Head out for lunch with my

Last 2 weeks, I had a great opportunity to attend a course on Business Evaluation. It's partly because of my current role that I need to assess business whether or not we should invest in it, profitable or not, etc. It all comes down to "Strategic Intent". It's what you want from it. When only I thought it's difficult and complicated, it's actually not at all. Company A produces 500 barrels and sells it for $5 million, company B produces 800 barrels and sells it for $20 million. Your strategic intent - grow more volume. Not that complicated, choose company B. Everything comes down to your intention, strategic intent. Choosing between black shoe or blue shoe, your intention? Comfort or style. Bottom line, set your strategic intention and go for it!