let bygones be bygones
scuba class today was fun. i enjoyed it and in fact i cant wait for the real thing. i got to do the giant strike entering water, just like what you've seen on tv. other than that, the new foundation powder i just bought serves no purpose. but i still love what i experienced today but not the part where i was walking with my big bagpack and accidently broke the vase at the side of the pool.
im still thinking about what just happened 3 hours ago. i wish i could just turn back time and say whatever i want to say. why do we women have to be treated differently from men? it is still bad for your health and damages your lungs what-so-ever. genderism.ah so what..(sheffer's style). sometimes i still don't get it..or ill never will, when i behave well, score for my exams and control my anger. they still treat me as though im 13 yrs old. they see me as their 13 yrs old daughter who misbehaved and acted like a psycho bitch. things will never change in this house. ill always be the one who screw up everything and shows bad example that my brothers sisters follow. who the fuck ask them to follow? when he starts to go out at night, they blame me sayin that i was like that at his age and he follows me. when the lil boy shouts, they blame me for what happen saying that i always shout and he follows. and when she shops at only topshop buying bareback tops, they say i was like that before and she follows. who ask them to follow?! what about my other behaviour, the good ones. did they ever give me credit on my good examples that i showed, or even remember one of the good things i did for this family. they don't fucking remember anything. they bad ones they can remember, the good ones, gone with the wind. they remember the bad things i did and it got stuck somehow in their brains. i never complain or compare what the others get, i did complain but to afzal or the girls. but thats not the point, i never say it to them because it will make a u turn and hit me back. i didn't complain that i never get to go out at night or tell my parents that i smoke at the age of 15, or surf the internet while talking to phone one hand and do homework at the same time, or go out to syed kj after having driving license for 2 months. i didn't get all that when i was growing up. all i get was scolding, being beaten up with hanger til it broke to pieces or my dad's leather belt. they never buy me handphone like they did to others. i had to buy my first handphone with my own money. every cent of it is mine. now..they buy it for them. when they ask, they'll get. what did i get at that time? "economic crisis..we have to save money" that's all i get. i remembered those words that were said to me when i ask for money. i know i have to understand and i do understand, but that was 7 years ago. what about now? we're not having economic crisis anymore. save money? hahahhah..she must be joking. why not tell that to her when she can go to syed 19 instead of going to syed kj, which can save money on petrol especially when its rm1.52/litre. why don't tell him to smoke with his own money, rather than giving him rm5 whenever he goes out at night. you can buy dunhill 14 with rm5. he smokes dunhill and i know that. tell that to them! im sick and tired being blame of everything just because they see me as a 13 yrs old kuna. there's no point in telling them about what i think because they won't listen.
let bygones be bygones!
im still thinking about what just happened 3 hours ago. i wish i could just turn back time and say whatever i want to say. why do we women have to be treated differently from men? it is still bad for your health and damages your lungs what-so-ever. genderism.ah so what..(sheffer's style). sometimes i still don't get it..or ill never will, when i behave well, score for my exams and control my anger. they still treat me as though im 13 yrs old. they see me as their 13 yrs old daughter who misbehaved and acted like a psycho bitch. things will never change in this house. ill always be the one who screw up everything and shows bad example that my brothers sisters follow. who the fuck ask them to follow? when he starts to go out at night, they blame me sayin that i was like that at his age and he follows me. when the lil boy shouts, they blame me for what happen saying that i always shout and he follows. and when she shops at only topshop buying bareback tops, they say i was like that before and she follows. who ask them to follow?! what about my other behaviour, the good ones. did they ever give me credit on my good examples that i showed, or even remember one of the good things i did for this family. they don't fucking remember anything. they bad ones they can remember, the good ones, gone with the wind. they remember the bad things i did and it got stuck somehow in their brains. i never complain or compare what the others get, i did complain but to afzal or the girls. but thats not the point, i never say it to them because it will make a u turn and hit me back. i didn't complain that i never get to go out at night or tell my parents that i smoke at the age of 15, or surf the internet while talking to phone one hand and do homework at the same time, or go out to syed kj after having driving license for 2 months. i didn't get all that when i was growing up. all i get was scolding, being beaten up with hanger til it broke to pieces or my dad's leather belt. they never buy me handphone like they did to others. i had to buy my first handphone with my own money. every cent of it is mine. now..they buy it for them. when they ask, they'll get. what did i get at that time? "economic crisis..we have to save money" that's all i get. i remembered those words that were said to me when i ask for money. i know i have to understand and i do understand, but that was 7 years ago. what about now? we're not having economic crisis anymore. save money? hahahhah..she must be joking. why not tell that to her when she can go to syed 19 instead of going to syed kj, which can save money on petrol especially when its rm1.52/litre. why don't tell him to smoke with his own money, rather than giving him rm5 whenever he goes out at night. you can buy dunhill 14 with rm5. he smokes dunhill and i know that. tell that to them! im sick and tired being blame of everything just because they see me as a 13 yrs old kuna. there's no point in telling them about what i think because they won't listen.
let bygones be bygones!
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