storing sunny and cloudy memories

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong in your own country? I have… Born and raised in Malaysia, my own home country has turned out to be a foreign country where nothing seems to be the way it used to be, at least to me. I used to feel like shouting ‘I’m home’ whenever I step my feet at the airport after a long vacation outside Malaysia. Nowadays, it felt like I’m coming back to a place where I don’t belong. I enrolled my degree in a local university that welcome students from abroad to enjoy education from this country. Instead, these foreign students come to this country and make it like their own, speeding around campus in their luxury cars, hosting late night parties at the apartment block where I stayed and skipping classes like their parents own the university. Although the university clearly states that a student can only sit for the final exam provided they attend 80% of the classes, foreign students get away with their attendance but local students are not allowed to sit for

wondermilk's cuppacakes show 2011. it was fun although it was tiring. thank you very much wondermilk for having us. hope to be part of it next year :)

sometimes i wonder how do i get here? how the hell did i end up being this person. dont get me wrong because i love myself, my family and friends who i cant live without. my love hate relationship with my work will never end. even if i quit my job, i dont think ill be satisfied. but as long as i need to pay my mortgage, car, food, vacation and shopping, quiting my job seems impossible. im grateful and thankful for what i have. my life up til today has been a crazy giant drop ride. i wouldnt say i enjoy every bit of it, there are days i feel like killing myself. somehow i manage to get through it. they say.. "God never gives you something that you can't handle, and never takes back anything without which you can't live"

europtrip was amazing! started off in London for 2 days. did some shopping in London. Portobello Market, Oxford St and Covent Garden. left early from London to Brugge. it was amazing x10000! cool, nice and chill. places where retirees go to spend their multimillionaire pension fund. took the bicycle tour and we just cycled around town. superduper fun! spent 1 night in Brugge, then headed off to Paris. wasn't what i expected. a little bit disappointing i must say. smelly city, dirty and people there are not friendly. they won't speak to you unless you speak french. pfftt! the only thing that excites me is the good looking french guys ;) next stop after Paris was Barcelona. i don't have a word to describe Barcelona. beyond amazing! (ok, over la pulak) shopping was great, people are friendly and helpful. food was good, tour places are nearby each other. metro was easy to navigate, most of them speak english. everything i hoped for! 4 days in Barcelona was not enough. then

like most first-time home buyers, i've been poisoned by my family members to buy a home. when only i thought buying a home is as simple as buying a camera, i was damn wrong. it is NOT a simple process. it keeps me awake at night, makes me go cuckoo at the office and everytime i drive to and back from work, all i can think of is the things i have to do to buy a home. i still have reservations as to why i need to buy a home. do i really have to buy a home? should i? is investment or some sort of savings a reason why people buy a property? yes, i do agree at some point that the property you buy (invest) will appreciate, at an average of 6%. yadayadayada..the value of the property after you've invested sum of money after 30 years will be millions. but the question is now, how do you buy a property? 1. scout for the area of choice 2. visit the show unit (if any) 3. pay deposit 4. apply loan 5. loan approved, pay downpayment, sign S&P 6. project commences, start paying interest 7

somewhere last week we went and watch Lat Kampung Boy The Musical, a musical about the life of Lat, famous Malaysian cartoonist. it was well written by Harith Iskandar and directed by Hans Isaac. can't stop humming to Mrs. Hew's song "do what you love and love what you do". the only way one can enjoy their work is by doing what they love. that way, they won't feel like their working. personally, the musical was educational in many aspect. i was educated on some of the things about Malaysia that i didn't know before. made me realised how grateful i am of what i have and how successful i am at the moment. the musical also made me realised that career and family is not a positive slope. to be successful in career, family's happiness has to be sacrificed. time in which you can't buy or redeem after the successful career has a cost in terms of alternative opportunities forgone. to strike a balance between career and family would be a challenging task which

work is getting crazier by the minute, and all i can think of is how i want to grow old. i want to grow old in a beach house somewhere remote, on a small island where i can dive whenever i want to. my friends would be turtle, fishes and occasionally barracudas. ill eat fish, prawns and squids for lunch and dinner, pancakes or waffle for breakfast. every evening ill sit by the beach as i watch the sunset. at night after dinner ill read books and sleep before 10pm. can i have that kind of life please?

today i'm working across from my normal workstation. this whole project that my boss have assigned me is taking up my energy level. i no longer have time to take care of myself. spa, massage or reflexology is not in the picture. hanging out with friends, family and even lucy is a struggle. one thing i hate the most is the imbalance i'm currently going through. i'm not complaining about my work, i'm expressing out that this project is taking a lot of my time. because..... these people in the committee can't decide on the way forward for this project which was supposed to be aligned with the objective of the project. my two cents worth: don't freaking do this project! i'm better off doing other things or going back at 530pm and rest. i haven't seen the girls in ages. i see my parents 10 mins in the morning before i leave for work. by the time i get back home, they're already asleep. i waved goodbye to lucy every morning (if i wake up early) nonetheless

they say nothing last forever sometimes i wonder if this is worth it the hardwork, pain and effort that i have to go through what if in the end, there is no outcome but dissapointment what if this? what if that? fear is the roadblock? something to think about

Hassan-san since my last post, nothing much happened. me and the girls celebrated amoi's birthday at Alexis, Bangsar. stupid thing happened that night. the dinner was on Friday night and as usual Friday evening work came like a tsunami. was late for the dinner and probably because i was too tired or being ignorant, i drove myself from work to Telawi assuming it was at Alexis Telawi. searched for everyone inside, outside and i even went upstairs. called pistola i asked her where did she park? she said jockey. well, i thought Bangsar Village's jockey. i asked her which table are you guys at? she answered inside. so i went back inside, searched again and still nothing. then she finally said it, Alexis BSC tau. i wanted to just shoot myself there and then. how could i possibly thought it was Telawi. of course Alexis BSC, duhhhhh! no one to blame except my stupidity, i drove myself to bsc and had the spaghetti carbonara. it was worth it! the following day, went and scout halls for p

bali trip was awesome! 5 days was not enough wished i could stay there longer i need another beach break already tired of the fast-phased life i wanna have a small hut by the beach where i can just lay on the beach and do nothing snap! wake up! not gonna happen ay? don't know mate.. anything is possible we'll have to just wait and see.

broga hill, 20th January 2011. somewhere in the middle of jungle 1 hour from subang, there are hundreds of people rushing their way 4am to climb the broga hill. i was tricked into this adventure, not knowing anything about the broga hill. it was a trekking site and for your info, i'm not friends with jungle let alone trekking. different kind of adventure and experience to climb your way up to the top. one way to burn off your calories and exercise your mental strength. most of the time i wanted to give up, but it was the talk i had with my brain that kept me going. otherwise, i would have given up and waited somewhere in the jungle happily with my cigarettes. apart from the torturous journey i had, the view and company was awesome. the transition from night to day was weird but great. everyone should try and experience it once in their life time. glad to say that i've done that and i will never ever climb broga hill again. sekian, terima kasih.

january twothousandeleven: past 21 days has been awesome! despite the crazy workload i have, other parts of my life is starting to get better. favourite cousin is happily pregnant and i can't wait for her to deliver. breakfast with mum, dad, sister and brother at our usual roti canai hangout. weekly outing with the girls, wondermilkers, newly weds has been adventurous. tried out new places to chill. plan b, bangsar for dinner. the pesto was alright. i can do better. hahaha! g3 chocolate dessert is crazy! the best in town. nirwana, yong tau foo, and pappa rich the usual routine. nothing has changed, not even my appetite for banana leaf, wantan and white coffee. new addition this year would be the weekly visit to gold chilli. it has been there since forever but i don't think i've been there as often as i did these past few weeks. the boys i went to Penang with, my mum call them "the bodyguards". they seem to be addicted to gold chilli. catching up for dinner with my

food i've been eating for the past week i love coffee! work-life-marriage balance? i wonder how my mom managed to work, have a life with her friends and be married for 27 years? from my (probably biased) observation, women are either: 1. successful in their career but no life and not married 2. successful in their career but have a life and divorced 3. successful in their career but have a life and single 4. not that successful in their career, have a life and happily married i am neither in those category. but in the next 5 years, where will i be? lately, colleagues have been coming up to me to share their domestic issues which i'll lend my fat shoulder to them all they want is someone to just listen of course i have no position to give advise given my status as someone who is single and hopeless in relationship partly because i gave up in understanding how opposite sex works i can barely understand myself, let alone to understand a totally opposite human being my point is, mo