f-r-e-a-k-i-n-g-o-u-t

20 years down the road, ill probably remember today the most.
the day i freaked out on everything in life.
the uncertainty of life, where i am, where i'll be.
i freaked out on almost everything.
freaked out, scared, whatever it means.
i think everything that happens up to this moment has its own reason.
everything happens for a reason, that's what i've been hearing from others.
it surely does for me.

today, it hit me like the tsunami, unexpected.
i'm not ready to cross that line.
i'm not fit to be in that zone.
i am just not fit.
just.

what is freaking me out?
a. marriage
b. being pregnant
c. raising children of my own
d. all of the above

the correct answer is: d.
everything freaks me out.
haahhahahahha.
now im laughing at myself because im thinking nonsense.
i think things that are happening around me made me think this way.
external factors.
i see it around me everyday and it freaks me out even more.
probably other people would think otherwise when they see what i see.
its just my interpretation of what i see, it is soooooo difficult.
others may see differently.

when will it be ready?
i don't know.
hopefully someday i will.
freaky? me? yes.