dear daughter...
if i had a daughter, this is what i would tell her about love and the type of man she should marry..
love will not guarantee your marriage will last
find a man who will make you happy for the rest of your life. happiness! you can have a man who loves you unconditionally before you get married, but once you tie the knot, love will not sustain your marriage. love is a concept. love can fade away. in-love experience is temporary. it's a feeling you develop after a certain period of time but happiness would sustain your marriage as you need to be happy with the person you're marrying. more importantly, if you are happy so will your marriage.
find a husband who prays 5 times a day
according to islam, husband is the head of the family. as the head of the family, the foundation needs to be strong. as long as the foundation is strong, the marriage will stay strong too.
who doesn't drink alcohol
a friend once told me, alcohol is the mother of all evil. a guy who is an alcoholic or drinks casually tells you that they will quit drinking after marriage, total bullshit! they never will. best of all, don't marry a guy who has a drop of alcohol in their bloodstream.
who speaks nicely to you
it is easy to utter words that is hurtful to your partner when you're angry. a person needs to stop and think, choose their words wisely before saying it. the words that comes out will be out there permanently and as easy it is to forgive, you will never forget the words they say.
who has the same interest
most couples overlooked this point because they say opposite attracts. yeah, attracts you to have conversation or explore things differently perhaps. but opposite attraction is going to irritate you in the long run because you won't be able to relate with your partner. if you have the same interest, like traveling, shopping, gardening, skiing, running or whatever for that matter, you will always want to do things together and not individually. you won't have to be the wife who enjoys gardening and would spend 2-3 hours in the hot sun while your husband who enjoys playing video games and would spend 2-3 hours in front of the tv. doing things together would tighten the marriage bond and if you have the same interest, you would want to do it together naturally and not by force of because i have to.
who respects and supports your ambition and goal in life
gone were the days where wife stays at home, cook, take care of their children and wait patiently for husband to return home from work. long gone! with the cost if living increasing, household income is just not enough if you depend on one person. more importantly, you have gone through 20 years of education since kindergarten to postgraduate and you need to apply it. find your interest for your career, have an ambition, set a goal and work towards it. if you aim to be the president of an organisation, you need to work your way up and work hard/smart to achieve your goal. while working your way up, you need a husband who understands your ambition and supports you to achieve your goal. its not easy i must say if you are really ambitious and sets a ridicilous goal, but i do believe anything is possible if you put your mind to it and work hard for it.
move at the same pace and have the same character as you
in primary school, we used to play a game where one person's right leg is tied to the other person's left leg. they would have to walk together to the finishing line and who reaches the first would win. that can only be possible if both work in a team and walk together at the same pace. that applies the same in a person's character. if you are a strong character person and will do anything and everything to achieve something, you need to find someone who has the same character. it goes back to the game i explained, if one person would like to run, the other person would like to take a breeze walk. both will fall and stumble. either you compromise and negotiate, then decide if you should run or walk only then you will reach the finishing line together. i've heard a lot during wedding speeches, tips to a succesful marriage is compromise and patience. after much thinking, i know why they say that now. it is because they are not in the same page and either one would have to compromise for the other person. in actual fact, in marriage you don't have to compromise but you need to set the same pace and move along together. and i must emphasise again, move together at the same pace.
let your husband have the freedom and vice-versa
i know when i said if you have the same interest, you will do things together. sometimes, you want your girl time and your husband wants his bromance time. have that! don't be too caught up with each other that you don't make time to miss each other. you only miss a person when they're not there, so make time to miss each other. do things you want to do with your friends, sisters, brothers, family when you are not with your husband.
money can't buy happiness, attitude can if you happen to marry someone who doesn't make a lot of money, its ok! money can be an evil thing too sometimes. marry someone who cares for your happiness, makes you laugh, talks to you, strokes your hair before you sleep, rub your back, massage your shoulder and feet after a long day at work. a person who doesn't make a lot of money but with an attitude that they will and make a lot of money one day is better than someone who doesn't make a lot of money but is happy with it. that makes a whole lot different! you don't need a lot of money to make a person happy. a feet rub for 10 minutes would make a person happy if it is coming from your partner rather than a random guy you pay to massage your feet. for your birthday, your husband can spend RM5000 to buy you a Chanel purse and i am sure you will be happy but remember that would only be temporary as he will busy the rest of the day but at least you'll be happy with your RM5000 purse. your husband can also not buy you anything because his pay will not be in til end month, wish you happy birthday and that's it. i'm pretty sure you will not be happy the whole day. or you can have a husband, wish you happy birthday, explains to you that his pay is not in til end month, asks you what you would like for a gift, cook dinner for you, gives you a 10 mins feet rub and spends a day with you. third option doesn't require that much money, certainly did not require RM5000 worth of purse, but it makes a whole lot different in the attitude that would make you the happiest birthday girl in the whole universe. find that person with that attitude not that wallet.
it is impossible to know whether you make the right decision when you marry someone, but just know that you made the right decision at that point of time given with the circumstances, information and experience you had at the time. always remember the reason you fell in love with the person and start your day with that experience the reason you were in love with this person. if one day you wake up and the whole in love experience is no longer there, it is worth to realign your thoughts and self-reflect.
with that, i end my short note to my daughter which is not born yet in this world :)
love will not guarantee your marriage will last
find a man who will make you happy for the rest of your life. happiness! you can have a man who loves you unconditionally before you get married, but once you tie the knot, love will not sustain your marriage. love is a concept. love can fade away. in-love experience is temporary. it's a feeling you develop after a certain period of time but happiness would sustain your marriage as you need to be happy with the person you're marrying. more importantly, if you are happy so will your marriage.
find a husband who prays 5 times a day
according to islam, husband is the head of the family. as the head of the family, the foundation needs to be strong. as long as the foundation is strong, the marriage will stay strong too.
who doesn't drink alcohol
a friend once told me, alcohol is the mother of all evil. a guy who is an alcoholic or drinks casually tells you that they will quit drinking after marriage, total bullshit! they never will. best of all, don't marry a guy who has a drop of alcohol in their bloodstream.
who speaks nicely to you
it is easy to utter words that is hurtful to your partner when you're angry. a person needs to stop and think, choose their words wisely before saying it. the words that comes out will be out there permanently and as easy it is to forgive, you will never forget the words they say.
who has the same interest
most couples overlooked this point because they say opposite attracts. yeah, attracts you to have conversation or explore things differently perhaps. but opposite attraction is going to irritate you in the long run because you won't be able to relate with your partner. if you have the same interest, like traveling, shopping, gardening, skiing, running or whatever for that matter, you will always want to do things together and not individually. you won't have to be the wife who enjoys gardening and would spend 2-3 hours in the hot sun while your husband who enjoys playing video games and would spend 2-3 hours in front of the tv. doing things together would tighten the marriage bond and if you have the same interest, you would want to do it together naturally and not by force of because i have to.
who respects and supports your ambition and goal in life
gone were the days where wife stays at home, cook, take care of their children and wait patiently for husband to return home from work. long gone! with the cost if living increasing, household income is just not enough if you depend on one person. more importantly, you have gone through 20 years of education since kindergarten to postgraduate and you need to apply it. find your interest for your career, have an ambition, set a goal and work towards it. if you aim to be the president of an organisation, you need to work your way up and work hard/smart to achieve your goal. while working your way up, you need a husband who understands your ambition and supports you to achieve your goal. its not easy i must say if you are really ambitious and sets a ridicilous goal, but i do believe anything is possible if you put your mind to it and work hard for it.
move at the same pace and have the same character as you
in primary school, we used to play a game where one person's right leg is tied to the other person's left leg. they would have to walk together to the finishing line and who reaches the first would win. that can only be possible if both work in a team and walk together at the same pace. that applies the same in a person's character. if you are a strong character person and will do anything and everything to achieve something, you need to find someone who has the same character. it goes back to the game i explained, if one person would like to run, the other person would like to take a breeze walk. both will fall and stumble. either you compromise and negotiate, then decide if you should run or walk only then you will reach the finishing line together. i've heard a lot during wedding speeches, tips to a succesful marriage is compromise and patience. after much thinking, i know why they say that now. it is because they are not in the same page and either one would have to compromise for the other person. in actual fact, in marriage you don't have to compromise but you need to set the same pace and move along together. and i must emphasise again, move together at the same pace.
let your husband have the freedom and vice-versa
i know when i said if you have the same interest, you will do things together. sometimes, you want your girl time and your husband wants his bromance time. have that! don't be too caught up with each other that you don't make time to miss each other. you only miss a person when they're not there, so make time to miss each other. do things you want to do with your friends, sisters, brothers, family when you are not with your husband.
money can't buy happiness, attitude can if you happen to marry someone who doesn't make a lot of money, its ok! money can be an evil thing too sometimes. marry someone who cares for your happiness, makes you laugh, talks to you, strokes your hair before you sleep, rub your back, massage your shoulder and feet after a long day at work. a person who doesn't make a lot of money but with an attitude that they will and make a lot of money one day is better than someone who doesn't make a lot of money but is happy with it. that makes a whole lot different! you don't need a lot of money to make a person happy. a feet rub for 10 minutes would make a person happy if it is coming from your partner rather than a random guy you pay to massage your feet. for your birthday, your husband can spend RM5000 to buy you a Chanel purse and i am sure you will be happy but remember that would only be temporary as he will busy the rest of the day but at least you'll be happy with your RM5000 purse. your husband can also not buy you anything because his pay will not be in til end month, wish you happy birthday and that's it. i'm pretty sure you will not be happy the whole day. or you can have a husband, wish you happy birthday, explains to you that his pay is not in til end month, asks you what you would like for a gift, cook dinner for you, gives you a 10 mins feet rub and spends a day with you. third option doesn't require that much money, certainly did not require RM5000 worth of purse, but it makes a whole lot different in the attitude that would make you the happiest birthday girl in the whole universe. find that person with that attitude not that wallet.
it is impossible to know whether you make the right decision when you marry someone, but just know that you made the right decision at that point of time given with the circumstances, information and experience you had at the time. always remember the reason you fell in love with the person and start your day with that experience the reason you were in love with this person. if one day you wake up and the whole in love experience is no longer there, it is worth to realign your thoughts and self-reflect.
with that, i end my short note to my daughter which is not born yet in this world :)
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