you don't know what you've got till it's gone

while the girls are sleeping, i decided to membebel.
kindly press apple-q or alt-f4
if youre not interested in reading :)

advancement of technology? can it do us good or can it make it worst? ermmm.. nowadays, the technology is moving rapidly. it changes like the change of weather in melbournebut is the advancement of technology helping us? or we now rely so much in the technology that we get paralyzed without it. zaman zaman mak tok ayah, they communicate using letters which will take a gezillion years to pass one message to another. today with a click of a button the message travels from one country to another within minutes or even seconds. is this a benefit to us or a burden?

moving on to the next thing on my mind, will long distance relationship work? even with the advancement of technology? or it will simply make everything more complicated and ruined the relationship? i used to think that with the advancement of technology we can chat, skype, send text through websites and it will just make the relationship work but a living example has proven me wrong. it changed my perspective, it is not as easy as it seems relationships itself is complicated and impossible even typing the word relationship is difficult enough coming back, human beings are just plain greedy if you have 1 you want 2, if you have 10 you want 20 we always want more than what we have that is why mobile phones make good money they develop a software or something extraordinary for this version of phone then they upgrade the same mobile with new technology and new technology and new technology because of the consumer demand and behavior. in the 90's, means of communication is either land line or pager then we upgrade ourselves with text, sms and mobile phones today, we have land line, text sms, mobile phones, chat, skype and god know what else technology changes, but relationship is still the same, complicated. be it a long distance or even 10km apart relationship, it is not simple and easy. it takes a lot of compromising, understanding, support one another and most of all, cajones! cajones...cajones..what a word, invented by liyana. i had my cajones for 5 years and it disappeared. i guess my cajones went to hawaii for a holiday. i was this pathetic stupid girl without my cajones. i allow myself to become weak and pathetic who let herself being stepped but of course like any other girl in this world, when you love someone so bad. you're scared of losing that someone you love, you consumed yourself with this love feeling that you let your cajones go for a holiday. i seriously do not even know who i was for that 1 year. i do not even want to think about it now. of course i was still kuna..but who is this kuna without her cajones? the girls realized that something was wrong with me when cajones went to timbuktu but cajones don't get come when you want. you have to build you cajones from the start and if you have your cajones from the start, it will stay with you like a shadow. if you don't have your cajones, better start building it now before its too late. when you love someone, make sure you leave a room for your cajones. full stop!

everyday i wake up and wonder if i have made the right decision. it was most probably the most heartbreaking, painful and most definitely hardest decision i've ever made. i needed to. i have made the decision, which was in the past and this is not like typing or anything technology-ish. where i can backspace, apple-z or undo it. decision was made back then and now i have to accept the consequences that comes along with it. whether i like it or not.

now i am stuck at a crossroads
do i turn left or right? or u-turn?
i don't know what is waiting for me if i go left
i damn sure know what is waiting for me if i go right

do i make a u-turn?
go back to where i was 6 years ago
and start things over
with my cajones, for sure!

do i make a u-turn?
go back to where i was a year ago?
without my cajones.
erm, i don't think so.
nooooooooo!

do i make a u-turn?
go back to where i was 10 years ago
and make a better move
of course i can't.
ha ha! its too late.

can i just make a hook turn?