is planning a huge disapointment?

i miss her!

there are times when i wake up in the morning and wonder where i am. i still can't believe i'm here. thousand miles away from home and the people i grew up with. i did not plan on coming here, it just happened.

a lot of things in my life that happened in the past just sort of happened. i've plan it in a certain way, but usually it didn't happen the way i wanted it to be. when i was 14, i wanted to have a boyfriend but i didn't plan that it would be my bestfriend's boyfriend. it just happened. i was young and stupid at that time. i'm glad we are stronger than ever now. when i was 15, a good friend passed away. it just happened. back then, we had a lot of plans but when he passed away, things change. everyone started to live their life to the fullest. i think now i understand why they all got married at a very young age, they want to grow old with the person they love before its too late. when i was 16, i wanted to become an architect. i still want to. i took extra subject in school, art. i worked my ass out on drawings, on architecture. when i was 17, i turned down the offer. i took IT instead. i didn't plan to take IT, it just happened. after i finished my foundation in IT, i changed to marketing. it just happened, again. i couldn't stand the IT world. all this coding, decoding thing. i was struggling through my 1st semester. then i decided to take business, consulted my lecturer which major i should take. he said asked me 'what do you like to do?'. i answered 'talk'. he laughed and said i should take marketing, since i don't like finance, accountings or human resource. marketing is the only major in business that matches my personality. it just happened. before my graduation, i was already working, selling methanol. how did i land there? i don't know. during my interview, he asked what my plan was. i said public relations, advertising and commerce. i ended up doing sales, methanol. wtf? i don't even know methanol existed. i know hydrogen peroxide since i was 13, but methanol? after a year working, i was bored. i've always had the plan to do a postgraduate study. i was browsing through with my dad, because no one in the family was all excited except for him. my dad went with me to education fairs, looking for sponsors and schools. he wanted me to do public relations. that was the initial plan, i applied for public relations. then i deferred the program due to some stupid reasons. then, the last month to enroll the program, my company's policy said that i could only took a year off and public relations postgraduate is a 2 years course. then a friend of mine told me about this 1 year MBA. my dad was happy and he ran around the entire city doing all my paperwork. while i was busy working, my dad was busy ensuring that i enroll the course. again, it just happened.

there are so many things that i plan but didn't happen the way i imagine it would. apart from my career that i planned but didn't work out, same goes to relationship. i didn't plan to fall in love, left heartbroken, then fall in love again then fell out of love after 5 years and then fall in love again then realized it's not going to work out. it just happened. i didn't plan any of it. i plan that i would get married by the age of 24, but look where i am now? far from getting married. in between relationships and career, i didn't plan to buy a car when i graduated. i saw daniel's car and fell in love, bought it. it just happened. i planned that my first car would be a honda, but it was a proton. come to think of it, there are so many other things that i didn't plan but it just happened. too many to mention.

today in class, i learnt all about business plan. how important it is to have a business plan. it is map of a business journey. it prepares for the worse possible situation that the business might have to face. according to my dr.phil look-a-like lecturer, it goes the same to life. planning is a map of a life journey. it equips a person with adequate option that he/she might face in the future. to get from point A to B, you need map. in case there will be a road block, detour. take another route to get to point B.

i guess for me, planning is just a huge disappointment because i always end up detouring my plans. now, i don't think i'm a big fan of planning. things just don't turn out the way i plan. things just happen.